The Miseducation of Women
My Strong independent women
From the time you were able to comprehend you began your education of being a woman. Whether it was your mother, grandmother, aunties, or all the prosocial and extracurricular associations you were assigned to participate in; the unconscious confusion had started. Terms like strength, independence, submissiveness, and marriage took on multiple meanings. Yet and still you want it all, your growing and thriving career, a relationship full of love and passion straight off the movie screen and ultimately a marriage to stand the test of time.
You not only want, but you demand a confident man you can trust and rely on, a man who knows who he is and what he stands for… AND who knows a good woman and respects not only her accomplishments and her, but her grind. Or just maybe you are the woman who envisioned just being married by a certain age, travel the world, have the big house and the 2.5 children.
However, you don’t have it or not at least how you imagined it. You’ve now bought into the old rhetoric of “there are no good men out there” or ” I don’t need a man” and then the snowball begins; frustration, depression, lowering your standards and making sacrifices and excuses for the reasons you are alone or why you’re staying with a particular man. As women you certainly don’t NEED a man in your life. However, if you are looking to have a relationship then well it is time to take some responsibility and learn to transform those painful challenges into the path of your ultimate growth and awakening.
Is there a science to a successful relationship?
The four building blocks of trust and intimacy
I would be lying to you if I told you there was some magic bullet to having a successfully and loving relationship. However, there are the FOUR BUILDING BLOCKS that are fundamental to the success of any relationship; and they are COMMITMENT, RELIABILITY, CONSISTENCY and ACCEPTANCE
Have you learned to let go?
The ability to influence, to capture a heart requires a level of self-awareness. But has your self-awareness really addressed those fundamental fears? One of the biggest things holding you back is most likely the inability to let go of one of the three fundamental fears: Fear of not being loved, Fear of not belonging and Fear of not being enough
Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
At the end of the day we ultimately want to feel happier, more resilient, more confident, less resentful and better equipped to endure the many stresses of a intimate relationship and marriage. You ask yourself, what could benefit me the most right now? The answer is your ability to listen. Knowing how to listen to your partner with empathy, interest, concern and most importantly without offering solution
The four horsemen of the apocalypse
Just like the ying and yang, the universe always has some form of balance. As there are four fundamentals for success; there are THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE. These are the four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship; especially in combination. They are CRITICISM, CONTEMPT, DEFENSIVENESS and STONEWALLING
The three P's are not enough
As a young man many of us have been taught the 3 P’s to being a man in a relationship; Provide, Protect and Profess. Well men I hate to hurt your feelings, but that isn’t enough. Building a healthy relationship takes work. Those ingredient should include honesty, trust, respect empathy, and cohesion. However, at the very core of all these things is something much more important. For any intimate relationship to survive and grow, there must be a shared sense of EMOTIONAL SAFETY
This thing called LOVE
So often the four letter word; LOVE is tossed around. Some of us long to hear it and at times others have cringed when it was spoken. However, what is it? What does it mean to you? The dictionary describes it as …1. an intense feeling of deep affection 2. a great interest and pleasure in something 3. feel deep affection for (someone) 4. like or enjoy very much. We tend to use the word to measure the depth of our emotions in a relationship, but in essence its not the depth of the emotion that we crave or even measure. Its the action and behavior that separates LOVE from like and means the most. LOVE isn’t just an emotion, its also a verb.
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