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Relationship Coaching for Couples
Relationships are at the core of everything that we do. Whether it be the love we have, the work we do, the family we create, the intimacy we share, and the way we parent. Let me help you cultivate a relationship that facilitates incredible intimacy, depth and wealth.
"The Outcome to any situation is determined by our response to it
- Stephen Covey"
Are you looking for a relationship that is truly fulfilling and rooted in genuine love?
Are you tired of the repeated cycle of behavior? The same old arguments over and over again, that toxic cycle that seems to be on repeat, feeling confused and dissatisfied, passion has long exited and sexual intimacy is nonexistent. If these are some of your experiences, you’ve got to be exhausted and feeling hopeless. If that is the case and you are ready to break the cycle, keep reading.
Typically when we meet someone, whether it was a direct introduction, happenstance, or coordinated by a friend or app. We show up with our representative and your counter part does the same. We make every concerted effort to be on our best behavior and make a good impression. If there is an inclination of a spark we continue to meet, talk and hang out. If things are going really well we kind of slide right into that honeymoon phase of a relationship. In this phase you are kind of star struck in the sense that your partner is the greatest source of pleasure, joy, adventure and fun. You can’t wait to see them, the sex is exciting, the chemistry is incredible and you think that they just might be “the one”. You feel proud to be with them, the butterflies are real and present when you’re together, you feel lucky and they understand you in ways that no one else has. It feels like you have known them for thousands of years and you suspect that you might have even met in a previous life! Sound familiar? This is it, this is the place you have longed for in your heart.. Your world is at peace.
As time goes on, you find yourself embarking on a new phase in the relationship; power struggle. All the excitement and pleasure has been replaced with frustration, pain and even stale silence. Instead of being a source of your pleasure, your partner is now the source of your discontentment. If your partner would just understand, see things the way you do, do the things you know are best for the both of you and just change. All would be right in the world and you both would be happy. Now you are scratching your head trying to to figure out what happened? How did you get here? How did the dream become the nightmare? How did your ultimate source of joy and pleasure become a person that is making your life so difficult?
There are probably several reason you are at this place. Starting with in the beginning when you were riding that magical carpet of euphoria. Did you spend any real quality time getting to know this person or were you just caught up in what seemed to be unmistakable and undeniable chemistry? Did you dismiss those annoying things as minor issues, when in fact they were glowing red flags? Or have you now come to the realization that you have lost your sense of self in this romantic relationship? You don’t get to do the things you want, you feel like you can’t tell the truth about some things, you are afraid to bring up certain topics or you feel like you aren’t free to make your own choices. You have become disconnected from support resources, other friends, activities and your own values. You have started falling into unhealthy patterns of behaviors with your partner.
The Blame Game
While love is important and makes it all seem worthwhile, the nuts and bolts of a relationships longevity are more about value systems, boundaries, honesty and accountability
The landscape of dating has changed quite a bit in the last decade. With the introduction of social media, online dating and the effects of the pandemic, dating is really a different game. However, if you are fortunate enough to have found someone and created what you believe to be a positive and healthy relationship. Then hold on to it, learn to work at it and even perhaps fight for it.
The strongest marriages are formed when two assured and self-connected beings come together – as truly their authentic selves – and that allows them to unite in a way that lasts. That expands. That deepens. In your relationship, you are bound to come up against issues when you get close to another person. The challenge is not that these issues exist, but more in how you decide to face them. Many couples think that having a disagreement and conflict means there is a problem in the relationship. In fact, quite the opposite is true.
Avoiding conflict, staying quiet to keep the peace, is one of the most dangerous decisions that can happen in a relationship. Not to mention a sure-fire way to sabotage your sex life. Every time you don’t speak up, every time you stuff it in, every time you don’t ask for what you want, you create not only distance, but a false reality. When you don’t speak up, by virtue of your inaction you have just conceded to and become complicit in the problem. You have just also signified to your partner that there isn’t even an issue and therefore no need to address or change any behavior. Recognize that distance isn’t a union. Distance too often leads to divorce. Unresolved issues always come back.
In essence it only takes one to be intimate and it only takes one to transform a relationship. Now I know that sounds scary and perhaps puts you in a very vulnerable position. The truth is, if you change, the relationship MUST also change. It cannot happen any other way. So why not be the example of the change that you want to see. You must stop thinking that your partner is the one who has all the issues. It is true that it takes two to tango and your partner is responsible for the challenges, fading love and lack of intimacy in your relationship. But more importantly, so are you. Most men and women aren’t willing to take a stand for love. Part of that reason is because many people don’t know what love really is. You were probably never taught how to love, love you and love them. What you think love is, is not love, it’s euphoric, it’s a chemical release, its attachment, its expectation and even demands. Love is much, much more than just an emotion. Love is a verb, so what are you willing to do?
If you're ready , I can help transform your life.
Learn the Skills
The depth to which you know how to repair the relationship can determine the outcome of the relationship. Using my Harmful to Healing (H2H) system along with improved active listening skills, role playing exercises and learning the value of mutual validation will allow you to have a deeper connection.
Build Emotional Security
Learn to create an environment where you trust love. You feel safe to be yourself, not because your partner never screws up, but because you know even when he or she gets in their bag, even when you get in your bag and do or say something you wish you hadn’t, you know you’ll get through it. You know the strength of the love you share and you surrender into it. Feeling safe in someone’s energy is a different type of intimacy.
Vulnerability = Intimacy
True intimacy means you are being seen for who and what you are. The partner you are with knows you and all your stuff; good and bad and loves you anyway. However, you can’t reach that level of intimacy without vulnerability because you have to be willing to be revealing.
Learn to cultivate balance in your relationship
Bring Back the Fun
Changing the behavior by Changing the Thinking
In this day and age we all have very full plates; demanding careers, ever changing parental responsibilities, active social lives and the ever illusive me time. Learn to navigate balance to reduce stress and anxiety.
When you have learned to free and unburden yourselves from the toxic cycles you have been struggling with. You will see that sex gets better. When you know how to truly be one of the heart and engage just not in sex, but sex in a way that ignites the fires of both love and passion in both of you. Lovemaking becomes a deepening bond of not just flesh and lust, but a uniting force, and mind-blowing pleasure, as you fall deeper in love. Sex with Soul.
Learn to recognize and acknowledge your triggers in order to create a path of a new perspective and transforming those old disruptive behaviors .
Learn the importance of active listening
Rules of Engagement
Many people listen to respond. In doing so you truly are not listening. Learn to be attentive and engaged with your partner
It is inevitable that couples will have disagreements. However, not seeing eye to eye on something doesn’t entitle either party to intentionally hurt or disrespect the other. Learn to establish rules and boundaries to address problems.
To Book an Appointment
Tel: 412 - 254 - 3526
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